Starting Over....

Dear Readers,

Like many of you who have tried to lose weight over and over again, I have failed. I have failed to lose the weight I intended. I have failed to keep the weight I lost off. I have failed to stay on the path of healthy eating and exercise. I have failed you. I have failed my friends and my loved ones. But most of all, I have failed myself.

For those of you I have failed, and especially myself, I am sorry.

A wise man (I think it was Henry Ford) once said: "The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."

So rather dwell on the fact I screwed up, I'd rather move on towards the future, a fresh start, a new beginning, on a new path.

This is me, making a promise to myself, with all of you as my witnesses: I will lose the weight, and I will become a healthy, fit, and happy person.

This new chapter in my life, and the life of Just Another Whale, will have some old and new stuff in it.

JAW will still have weekly weigh-ins and tips to help you guys out. But I am planning some cool new additions, which you'll have to wait and see!

As for myself, I plan on first and foremost, trying to control my emotional eating. I've pinpointed that as my worst eating habit. I know that will not be easy. I am dealing with a lot of stuff right now.

Setting aside the normal stress from working two jobs, being a full time grad student, and learning to live with my fiance, I am struggling to cope with the sickness of my little cousin, Audrianna. Saying this is very important for me because she inspires me everyday. She is 6 years old and has been battling Neuroblastoma (a rare childhood cancer) since she was 2 years old. She has had her ups and downs, and was even cancer-free for a few months, but her most recent relapse has been extremely aggressive. With chemo not having any effect, and there being no further treatment options, her mother made the painful, horrible, merciful decision to stop treatments, and take her back home to be with loved ones, out doing fun things, instead of suffering in the hospital getting treatment that has no effect. No child should know what chemo is like. No child should have a bucket list. But Audrianna does. I love her so much, and the thought of her suffering just makes me so sick to my stomach. I am extremely emotional right now, as anyone would be when a child is sick, but I am just so depressed and miserable about the entire situation. I haven't slept well since I found out she has no more treatment options. The insomnia doesn't help with my poor eating. Which leads me to watch TV, which leads to more binge eating.

I will just be sitting on the couch, watching TV, and the most random things will set me off. Like, last night, I was watching a show, and one of the clips was about a wedding. And, my emotions went crazy. I am planning a wedding for within the next two years, and I had been planning on two adorable flower girls. And I worry that I might only have one flower girl because the other is too sick (or god forbid, isn't with us anymore). And then, from out of left field, I start thinking about my dad. I don't have a father to walk me down the aisle because I lost him to cancer 12 years ago (it will be 13 in January). My emotions just snowballed and I ended up eating an entire tub of sour cream, two king size bars of Reese's chocolate, three cans of soda, a block of sour cream, a bag of Lindt truffles, and 9 Celeste personal pizzas. I calculated on my phone after I had cooled down, and I had eaten a little over 5,000 calories in the span of less than an hour. I felt disgusted with myself.

I need to regain control of my emotional eating, and that is my first challenge on this new path.

I want to be healthy, and live a lifestyle that decreases my chances of getting sick. I want to be strong and healthy, so that if I do ever get sick, that I can fight.

So, if I slip and fall or stumble along this new path I'm trying to take, please forgive me. I will do my best to forgive myself for it, so I can move on and not dwell on it (like I usually would...usually involving cheesecake filling).

Hopefully you guys will support me, as I will try to support you.

Enjoy the new Just Another Whale!

~MyzzLyzz

P.S.- If anyone wants to donate money for Audrianna, or help with her bucket list, please see the following pages! Every little bit counts, even just kind words and prayers.

Click here for the link to her moms' blogspot, where you can donate and read more.  

Click here for the link to her bucket list group on Facebook.

Click here for the link to her Facebook group.

Click here for the link to her mom's Facebook, where you can contact her to buy various things to support her, or just show your love and support.